Golem Owned A Tropical Smoothie
October 17 - November 10
A NEW MUSICAL WITH BOOK, MUSIC, & LYRICS BY ETHAN CRYSTAL & GARRETT POLADIAN
DIRECTED BY PATRICK SWAILES CALDWELL
FEATURING JARRED BEDGOOD, ETHAN CRYSTAL, JULIAN DIAZ-GRANADOS, MEGAN GRIGGS, CARSON HIGGINS, QUIANA ONRAE’L HOLMES, GARRETT POLADIAN, SLEE, AND LEA NARDI
Final Weekend Sold Out
WAITLIST BEGINS 30 MINUTES BEFORE CURTAIN
AT THE BOX OFFICE (IN-PERSON ONLY)
Golem Owned a Tropical Smoothie tells the story of Golem, a non-copyright infringing creature who owns a non-copyright infringing smoothie shop called Tropical Smoothie in Panama City Beach, Florida. All is going well – until Smeegle, the notorious CEO of the mega-corporate Smoothie Kingdom, threatens to drive him out of business with tax loophole trickery. To save the shop, Golem and his loyal employees (Ian, a high school kid; Gabby, his overachieving older sister; and Kyle, a stoner college dropout) must come up with a plan to raise $60,000 in one week – or maybe 5 days? It doesn’t really matter. The point is, Golem owned a Tropical Smoothie.
CAST
Garrett Poladian (Book, Music, Lyrics, Golem) created Golem on a cruise ship by applying spray adhesive to a wig holder and stuffing pantyhose with loose cotton. The original eyes were made of light blue felt, giving him a cold, steely gaze inspired by that one boy from Lizzie McGuire. He sailed the ship of dreams in TITANIQUE all year, and if you read his bio in that, this is the show he was talking about. He'd like to thank his parents for raising him in Panama City Beach and his manager at the smoothie shop for scheduling him for that one 7am opening shift. garrettpoladian.com
Ethan Crystal (Book, Music, Lyrics, Smeegle) one day, six years ago, asked his Norwegian Cruise Line cast member, Garrett Poladian to meet him in a piano closet. It was in that closet that Ethan played Garrett the motif of the opening number for the show you’re here for today. A few simple chords, one crazy idea, and just like that, the two of them set off on a great adventure together. Ethan is inspired by comedic works such as SpongeBob and Pirates Of Penzance, but his driving inspiration, and at times, obsession, has always been music. He’d like to thank his family for always supporting that obsession unconditionally and the many wonderful people in his life that he is so very grateful to call his friends. “For we put the thought of all that we love into all that we make.” - The Silence of the Lambs www.ethancrystal.com
Julian Diaz-Granados (Ian) is thrilled to be returning to the PCB's favorite smoothie shop. Broadway: Jared/Connor in “Dear Evan Hansen”, Himself in “The Ruben and Clay Christmas Show”. Off-Broadway: Timmy in “I Love My Family, But…”. Regional: Jack Kelly in "Newsies", Nick Bottom in “Something Rotten”, Jason in “Ordinary Days”. Love to my family, friends, and KT <3. @juliandiazgranados // JulianDiazGranados.com
Carson Higgins (Kyle) Carson has been with the show since its very first presentation in the crew bar of a cruise ship and he is thrilled to be part of this show’s first full production. Recent film credits are Joker: Folie à Deux and Damien Chazelle’s Babylon. His theater credits include the Broadway tour of Green Day’s American Idiot (St. Jimmy), Memphis the Musical (Huey Calhoun), Godspell (Judas), Love Actually Live, For the Record: The Brat Pack, and Scissorhands: A Musical Tribute. Much love to his Mom, Dad, Lauren, and their cat, Archimedes. @carsonhiggins.
Lea Nardi (Gabby) couldn’t be happier to be on this ride with GOATS. She was there from the very beginning watching Golem's birth on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean. (it's just as scary as it sounds) Since then she has played Gabby in multiple stage readings, demo/cast recordings and festivals. Lea is a graduate of THE HARTT SCHOOL with a BFA in Musical Theater. She spent 5 years performing as an actor at The Met Opera and has performed in and out of the city for the past decade. She wants to endlessly thank Ethan and Garrett for trusting her to help create Gabby and for this incredible GOATS family she has spent the past 7 years laughing with. Now to quote the only singer that matters...SHALL WE GO FOR IT?!
Quiana Onrae’l Holmes (Green Dragon) is thrilled to be making her Off-Off- Broadway Debut in GOLEM OWNS A TROPICAL SMOOTHIE! Raised upstate in Rome, NY- Holmes went on to graduate Summa Cum Laude in Professional Music (Education, Business, Drama) at Berklee College of Music in Boston, Massachusetts. Shortly after graduating, she began touring the nation in various Broadway musicals- MOTOWN THE MUSICAL (Mary Wilson), JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR (Soul Singer/ Mary U/S), AIN’T TOO PROUD: THE LIFE AND TIME OF THE TEMPTATIONS (Josephine), and most recently finishing out the 1st National Tour of HADESTOWN (Worker, Persephone U/S and Fate 1 U/S). Her other regional credits include FESTIVAL OF THE LION KING at Walt Disney World, THE WIZ, AIN’T MISBEHAVIN, DREAMGIRLS, and RENT. She also originated the role of Bess Houdini in d’ILLUSION: The Houdini Musical Audio Theatre Experience. So grateful to God, Mom and Dad, Henderson Hogan, and the entire creative team of GOLEM! Enjoy the Show!
Slee (Cover Gabby/Green Dragon) Off-Broadway: Sex Tips for a Straight Woman from a Gay Man, Stranger Sings! Workshops: Golem Owned a Tropical Smoothie, Stranger Sings!, Raymie Nightingale, Paris Through the Window. Regional: Into the Woods, Rock of Ages. Film & Television: Adrianne & the Castle. BFA Drama UNCSA. MFA Acting NIU. This one is for my friends, my group of fools, my champions. I couldn’t, nay, wouldn't be here without you. Shout out to Jill at Broad Talent Agency. IG/Tiktok: @justcallmeslee | www.justcallmeslee.com
Jarred Bedgood (Male Ensemble, Cover Ian/Kyle)
Jarred hails from Wisconsin, where the cheese is almost as good as Golem's Tropical Smoothies. Normally he tries to steer clear of Florida, on account of the racism/homophobia and such, but Golem just makes it all worth it. He's been to Asia (Sister Act), Australia (Book of Mormon) and many random places in the U.S. no one has heard of (Rent). Big love to G&E for writing the show or whatever.
Megan Leigh Griggs (Swing, Cover Ensemble) Megan is a NYC based singer and actor from Fairfax, VA and is so thrilled to be joining the Golem team! Past credits include Barb in Stranger Sings (Regional), Barb/Joyce Swing in Stranger Sings (Off-Broadway) and Young Mo in The Watcher (Netflix). All my love to Mom, Dad, Nana, and Poppy for their endless support. BFA Musical Theatre from Pace University. Instagram: @sing4umlg
Eugene Thomas (Korean War, 3rd Bn) appears courtesy of the Fitness Gram Pacer Test. Hailing from Topeka, Kansas, Eugene enjoyed birdwatching as a child, his favorite being the Dodo. After the war, he escaped to Peru for several years where he operated a fishing boat on his own employ. His acting career began at age 83, in the motion picture THE IRISHMAN, where his face was used as the model for Robert De Niro’s scenes in his 20s. He wishes the best to his late wife, Marla, and his two grandsons, Rainbow Sparkle and John.
Ravenna Charmed makes her stage debut today. After completing her program at Harvard Law Pre-med, Ravenna took up chemistry as a hobby and received a Nobel Peace Prize later that year for her discovery of Sodium Dialamine Thaminate, a compound that disrupts molecular reactions that create cancer cells in humans and other mammals. Her charity work is also of note - her foundation, UNICEF, has provided relief to communities in need across the globe. After Golem, she aspires to explore the next frontier - outer space.
Martha May Louise (GRAN) returns to the stage after nearly a decade ban from all New York theaters. Originally from Fort Lauderdale, Martha May was regionally known as the owner and operator of Gatorville, the first and only alligator petting zoo in the United States and coastal islands. As part of her sentence regarding public appearances, Martha May is required to disclose that she is a registered sex offender. Recent Work: Some Like It Hot, Suffs, The Mother Play. Her novel, “I Didn’t Do Any Of It” is on sale now.
Brandom Michael Thomas (BA, Pace University) is thrilled and overjoyed to be making his off off Broadway debut with this stunning and incredible company, playing the role of High Schooler Number One! At age 15 when he watched Matthew Morrison play “The Grinch”, he was inspired to audition for schools, and the rest has been history. He’s known around town for his Idina Menzel impression, and his dream is to be the first ever Male Elphaba on Broadway. If you are an agent or manager and are interested in getting in touch, please contact him through his email, brandonmichaelthomas59@gmail.com
Sterling Matthews (Smeegle) is honored to lend his ability to an upstart group of young minds. A Julliard Graduate, Matthews specialized in Shakespeare for many years, studying under Mark Rylance. Proclaimed in the New York Times in 2007 as “a creative force to be reckoned with” as a young Hotspur, he toured on the West End for many years, calling the Globe his home. He’d like to thank Linda, his dialect trainer, for her work helping him prepare for this role, and his lover, Bethel.
GOLEM love fish and love to go uuuhh on walks!!!
TEAM
Patrick Swailes Caldwell (Director/Puppet Swing)
Patrick Swailes Caldwell is an interdisciplinary theater artist interested in the creation of new musicals. (Directing: The World’s Most Boring Murder The Players Theater/ Columbia Lenfest. The Man Who Built His House to Heaven Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Acting: Pharmabro, The Office: A Musical Parody, The Trouble With Dead Boyfriends). In 2019 Patrick received the Ira Eaker Outstanding Achievement Bistro Award for their solo clown show, The Circus is Cancelled. They recently graduated from the Dramatists Guild’s Musical Creators Institute as a lyricist, librettist, and director. www.patrickswailescaldwell.com
Garrett Poladian (Scenic & Puppet Design)
I’m not writing another bio. You get it.
Stephen Murphy (Music Director/Orchestrator) is a Composer/Performer/Music Director based in NYC, having composed and/or music directed works for the screen, stage, and concert hall. He is the frontman for the indie pop/rock band Modern Ties (@moderntiesmusic), and is a big fan of Howard Shore’s scores for The Lord of the Rings trilogy, which is in no way relevant to this show. BFA Carnegie Mellon, MM NYU. Hear more of his work at stephenmurphycomposer.com.
Ian Coulter-Buford (Choreographer)
A native of Southern Illinois, Ian is a dual-city-based artist in NYC and Philly. He was involved in the first-ever presentation of G.O.A.T.S. and he's so hyped to finally bring PCB to NYC. A dynamic choreographer, his work has captivated audiences across theatre, television, and multimedia. Ian has lent his creative talent to celebrated productions, including LONDON: The Rose Room, OFF-BROADWAY: Camp Morning Wood, TOUR: Radio Disney Road Tour, and REGIONAL: Fat Kid Rules the World. His screen credits include, The Late Late Show. Ian also gives back to the next generation of performers through teaching (Baldwin Wallace, Elon, CAP 21). When not choreographing, Ian roller skates or records music as his electro-R&B alter ego, PALAWN streaming on all platforms. Thanks to God, Ethan, G, and Lea, SO proud of y'all. IL Wesleyan grad. Lets connect @iancoulterbuford
Tony Williams II (Choreography Associate)
Tony M. Williams II is a southern turned New Yorker. He works throughout N.Y.C as a Director
& Choreographer. Former Artistic Director for Astoria Performing Arts Center. He has worked
for companies and universities in all over the United States and London. Notable companies
include Prospect Theatre Company, New York City Center, CAP21/Molloy College, Queens
Opera, Rose Room and Clayton State University.
Allie Beltran (Assistant Choreographer)
This is Allie's assistant choreographic debut in NYC! All love and massive thanks to Ian, Tony, and G.O.A.T.S.’ incredible team for their amazing work, creativity, and joy. This is a gift. Performance credits include- Regional: 42nd Street (Maltz Jupiter Theatre); August: Osage County (Palm Beach Dramaworks); Fireflies(Hippodrome Theatre); Billy Elliot (Maltz Jupiter Theatre); A Christmas Carol (Hippodrome Theatre); I Miss All My Entrances (Hippodrome Theatre); Michael Feinstein and the Palm Beach Pops (Kravis Center); Our Town (Palm Beach Dramaworks). Film: Picturesque; Manic Pixie Dream Girl; Val and Taylor’s F*ck It List; Haunts. Her most recent work has been doing play readings at the Actors Studio! Love you, Betty. Hi, Donna! IG: @allie.beltran
Lee Lillis (Lighting Designer) is a NYC/DC-based lighting and sound designer with a passion for merging art and technology in order to create new theatrical experiences. A firm believer in the power of collaboration, Lee strives to be an involved member of the artistic process, working with his peers to build worlds that challenge the boundaries of what theatre can become. As a proponent of radical accessibility, he endeavors to create art portraying underrepresented communities that can be enjoyed by everyone, not just traditional theatre-goers. In the rare moments that he’s not in the theater, he can be found playing the piano, doing the crossword, reading, and playing with his cat, Bibble. lillislighting.com
Andrew Barrett Cox (Costume Designer) is a composer and producer hailing from New York City. His artistic vision is deeply rooted in the realms of underground culture and unconventional narratives. Andrew's music has graced the Emmy award winning RuPaul's Drag Race with tracks like "Let Loose," "Jantasy," and "Sweet and Sour." The songs received praise from fans and in write ups from publications such as Billboard, PopCrave, Queerty and more. As a key contributor to DaddyTV, Andrew has penned theme songs and scored hundreds of episodes for OUTtv's diverse lineup, including standout shows like "Hot Haus" with Tiffany Pollard, "Iconic Justice" featuring Willam Belli, "For The Love of DILFS" with Stormy Daniels, and more. Along with composing he has also disigned numerous runway looks for several queens to grace the RuPaul's Drag Race mainstage. He is also the brain behind the electrifying band Apocalypse Noir, celebrated for their high-octane vocals and magnetic performances they curate around New York City.
Solaris Universe (Sound Designer)
Solaris Universe (she/they/he) first met Golem in PCB when they accidentally spilled a fizzy drink on his rocks. Instead of getting mad, Golem offered Solaris a dance—and let’s just say, rocks really can roll! Known for tirelessly supporting the community (and dodging beach balls like a pro), Golem’s incredible deeds have inspired this show. Solaris is excited to bring these legendary tales to life, complete with soundscapes that might even make Golem blush—if he had cheeks! After all, who knew a stone-cold hero could have such a heart.
Skyler Purvis (Production Stage Manager) is a NYC based stage manager and dramaturg. She is thrilled to be making her Off-Off-Broadway debut in Golem Owned A Tropical Smoothie after graduating from Fordham University this past spring. Recent regional credits include Twelfth Night (ASM) at Kane Repertory Theatre and Into The Woods (ASM) at Marquee Youth Stage. Much love to Patrick for bringing her onto this crazy show, the team for being the best collaborators, and her family and friends for always supporting her. www.skylerpurvis.com.
Jimmy Kohlman (Technical Director) has served as Technical Director for Gamut Theatre’s 2022-23 season, Pace University’s ASDS 2024 season, and now G.O.A.T.S! In addition to building sets, he loves building puppets, writing sad songs, salvaging wood from the curb, and listening to his favorite band, MUNA! Jimmy has spent a little more than one year in NYC so far and is eternally grateful for all of the generous and caring professionals who have gone out of their way to show him the ropes. Special thanks to Brierpatch, Steven, Will, Sydney, and the whole CrewBar team.
Ian Evans (Production Manager) has been working live events ever since pulling the curtain open for his middle school musical. From California originally, he has spent the last two years in New York City production managing. He was the Assistant Production Manager for Roundabout's '23-'24 season on "The Refuge Plays" and "Jonah". Following it up recently by Production Managing Actors Studio Drama School's Graduation Series, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", and finally this zany production of "Golem Owns A Tropical Smoothie".
Amelia McGinnis (Assistant Stage Manager) specializes in stage managing new works and musical productions. Recent credits include Off-Broadway: Richard III (Public Theater), HYPROV (Daryl Roth Theatre); Regional: Master Class (Bay Street Theater), The Poisoner (La Mama Experimental Theatre), Strange and Splendid (Synecdoche Works), The Year of Magical Thinking (Long Wharf Theatre), 2023 Gala (NYSAF), Dancing at Lughnasa (Columbia University), and Sing Out for Freedom (NYCLU). She holds a MFA degree in Stage Management from Columbia University and a BFA degree in Design for the Stage and Screen from George Mason University. Love to family, friends, and the Chickens. In loving memory and dedicated to dad.
Emerson Wachnik (Sound Mixer) is an audio engineer based in New York, currently fighting off seagulls on the beaches of PCB. Recent credits include The Porch on Windy Hill (People’s Light, Weston Theater Co), Ring of Fire (Tuacahn), Million Dollar Quartet (ACT of CT) Upcoming: the devil & i (Hudson Guild). Find him at Ferry’s Landing at The Duplex or on IG @emerson_wachnik
Samantha Tutasi (Associate Scenic Designer/Props Designer/Paints Supervisor)
she/her/hers
Ecuadorian-American theater artist, most recent collaborations include: Scenic Design - The
Crucible; Captain Courageous; The Secret Garden (Powerhouse Theater Collaborative). La
Musica Deuxième (A/Park Productions). Authorial Intent; Exit, Pursued By A Bear; The Laramie
Project (ASDS Rep Theater). Virgin, Mother, Whore (Boundless Theater Co.); Properties
Design - Dirty Laundry; Munich Medea: Happy Family (WP Theater), Coping Mechanism (Wild
Project); Film - Egg Timer (dir. Annie Tippe). She also works with the American Theater Wing
on their educational program, Springboard To Design. BFA: State University of New York at
Purchase, 2022. samanthatutasidesign.myportfolio.com
Jonathan Hogue (Producer) is a Tony-nominated producer and two-time Drama Desk-nominated writer/composer with specialty in new work development and creative branding. He is the Creator and Lead Producer of Stranger Sings! The Parody Musical (Book, Music & Lyrics; Drama Desk Nominee) which completed a hit nine-month off-Broadway run in 2023 and is now being licensed across the US and internationally. Other producing credits: The Queen of Versailles, Illinoise (Tony Nominee), and How To Dance In Ohio. Jonathan is also an Associate Producer for Davenport Theatrical Enterprises and a Self-Producing Coach for the Theatermakers Studio. He holds a Columbia University MFA in Theatre Management & Producing. For more info, visit JonathanHogue.com. Lots of love to this brilliantly idiotic cast, crew, and creative team, and special thanks to you--the audience--for supporting new theatrical works, especially ones with a bonkers title like "Golem Owned A Tropical Smoothie".
Brierpatch Productions (General Management): over 16 years of theatrical producing and general management services. Representative productions: Broadway/Pre-Broadway/National Touring - All Things Equal: The Life and Trials of Ruth Bader Ginsburg (2025), Austen’s Pride (2025), Fraggle Rock Live (North American Tour Spring 2025), Cagney the Musical (New York 2017-2018, London 2021, Regional Pre-Broadway 2025), All of Me (Regional Tour 2025), Dan Howell: We’re All Doomed; Dan and Phil: Interactive Introverts; Dan and Phil: The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire (North American Tours 2017-2022); Ajijaak on Turtle Island (US Tour 2022); Fuerza Bruta (New York/Las Vegas); Spamilton (New York/National Tour 2017-2021); New York/Off-Broadway - Harry Townsend’s Last Stand (with Len Cariou/Craig Bierko); The Other Josh Cohen (2019-2020); The Stone Witch (with Dan Lauria); Party Face (with Hayley Mills); Church & State; Forbidden Broadway – The Next Generation; One Funny Mother; Phoenix (with Julia Stiles); Handle With Care; Grounded; The Two-Character Play (with Amanda Plummer, Brad Dourif); Triassic Parq; Wallenberg; Frog Kiss; Seventh Monarch; Alita -The Immersive Experience; 13 annual productions for PACE University: the Actors Studio Drama School Repertory Seasons (2011–current); Young Audiences Productions for Rockefeller Studios (New York and Touring): Sesame Street the Musical, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Winnie The Pooh, and Paddington Saves Christmas.
BAND
Nathan Repasz (Drums) is a New York-based drummer, vocalist, improviser, and theatre artist. He is a founding member of the experimental theatre company CHILD, which presented “1-800-3592-113592” at Mitu580 in March 2024, described by New Yorker critic Helen Shaw as “pure contact with the Stranger God.” His solo language+percussion performance explores the liminality of sense/nonsense and groove/noise and his piece “National Hot Dog Day” was featured in the 2024 Emergency Index. He works as a choral singer, Foley artist, session/pit musician, and goat-cheesemonger in the NYC area.
Ian Anderson (Guitar) is a guitarist and performer from Massachusetts. He studied music at Wesleyan University and NYU and performs regularly with his indie-folk band The Tumblers and pop-punk cover band Imitation Crab.
Nitsan Shai (Bass) is a musician and software engineer based in New York City. He primarily works with local singer songwriters and new work composers to bring their work and vision to life.
Eric Vanderbilt-Mathews (Reed) is a saxophonist and keyboardist living in Brooklyn. Originally from Whidbey Island, WA, he moved to NY two years ago to pursue a career in jazz. When not playing music, Eric enjoys nature-related activities.